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  • Writer's pictureDeborah F

The Language of Emotions: Why Listening to Yourself is so Important

In my practise, I often see clients who struggle with understanding and regulating their emotions. Our society tends to prioritise productivity and efficiency over emotional well-being, which can lead us to ignore our emotions and brush them aside. However, emotions are a vital part of who we are and ignoring them can lead to negative consequences for our mental health and relationships. In this blog post, I wish to emphasize the importance of emotions and of finding time to check in with yourself in order to listen to your feelings.


Emotions as Language

I like to compare emotions to a language, as just like language they allow us to communicate with ourselves and others. When we understand and communicate our emotions effectively, we are better equipped to handle difficult situations and form meaningful relationships. However, like any language, emotions require practice and attention in order to become fluent. Just like we can't become fluent in a foreign language without practicing, we can't become fluent in our emotional language without actively listening to ourselves.


Tuning in to your emotions

At the heart of emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, understand, and manage our emotions. This involves becoming more attuned to our own emotional experiences, as well as learning how to recognize and respond to the emotional cues of others. The emotion wheel, popularized by Dr. John Gottman, is a helpful tool for this process.





The emotion wheel is a visual representation of the different emotions that we experience, organized into categories like "anger," "fear," "sadness," and "joy." By familiarizing ourselves with this language of emotions, we can start to identify and label the specific emotions that we're experiencing, and communicate them more effectively with others. This can be a powerful tool for improving emotional regulation, enhancing relationships, and reducing anxiety.


But how do we go about learning the language of emotions?

For me, the first step was making a commitment to self-reflection. I started setting aside time each day to check in with myself and identify the specific emotions that I was experiencing. This was challenging at first, as I was used to suppressing my emotions or trying to push them away. But as I practiced emotional self-awareness, I began to feel more in tune with my own inner world.

Another important aspect of learning the language of emotions is becoming more attuned to the emotional cues of others. This involves paying attention to nonverbal signals like facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language, and using them to interpret the emotional experiences of others. This can be especially helpful in relationships, where emotional attunement is a key factor in building trust and intimacy.

Emotional intelligence isn't just about identifying and expressing our own emotions - it's also about responding effectively to the emotions of others. This means learning how to validate the emotional experiences of others, offer support and empathy, and manage our own emotional responses in a way that's helpful and constructive. It's not always easy, but with practice, we can all become more emotionally intelligent and better equipped to navigate the complex landscape of human emotions.


In conclusion, learning the language of emotions is a lifelong journey - one that requires patience, practice, and self-compassion. But with the help of tools like the emotion wheel, and a commitment to emotional self-awareness and expression, we can all become more emotionally intelligent and better equipped to navigate life's ups and downs. As a psychotherapist, I'm passionate about helping others develop these crucial skills, and I believe that everyone has the capacity to learn the language of emotions and achieve greater emotional well-being.



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